There Is No Such Thing as “Nisht Bei Undz

by Rabbi Yehoshua Berman

Dear Parents of Children,

I would like to share with you one of the factors that led to me getting involved with the field of child abuse prevention. I am going to change some of the identifying details, but the story as a whole is as tragically and heroically true as they come.

The initial phone call that began their travels through the shiva meduros gehinnem took them completely unawares.

You have to understand — this was a deeply respected family.

“What?! You found Pinny at a bar? What do you mean you found him at a bar?!”

The father was a well-known maggid shiur and public speaker. The mother came from one of the most distinguished chassidishe families.

One of their precious children being found drinking and smoking in a bar was the absolute last thing

anyone would have expected.

Many years ago, someone very close to me shared with me what he and his wife were going through.

But the reality came crashing down on them.

What They Eventually Discovered

After painfully entering the world of trauma and addiction, they discovered that Pinny had been severely

abused around the age of seven.

By an uncle.

The trauma had remained buried for years.

But during a visit to his older sister in Bnei Brak when he was sixteen, Pinny unexpectedly saw that uncle

again — and everything came flooding back.

Like a ticking time bomb finally detonating.

Alcohol became the only coping mechanism he could find to escape the overwhelming pain, shame, and

despair.

The suffering was immense.

Pinny nearly lost his life to alcohol addiction multiple times, repeatedly landing in the hospital with

dangerously high blood alcohol levels.

Eventually, after years of struggle, he finally began finding healing in a rehabilitation center.

But the road there was long, painful, and heartbreaking.

A New Appreciation for “Normal”

Today, Pinny’s parents speak about something they never understood before:

The incredible blessing of ordinary life.

Children making noise at the table.

Sibling arguments.

Exhausted mothers.

“Gan Eden,” they call it.

Because after experiencing such profound suffering, normalcy itself became precious.

Why I Am Sharing This Story

This story affected me deeply and was one of the primary reasons I became involved in the field of abuse

prevention.

And the reason I am sharing it is simple:

Because there is no such thing as “nisht bei undz.”

Abuse does not discriminate.

It can happen in respected families.

In sheltered homes.

In holy environments.

The assumption that “this could never happen here” is simply not reality.

Our Responsibility as Parents

The Mesillas Yesharim teaches that HaKadosh Baruch Hu created dangers in this world, and He expects us

to use wisdom and responsibility to protect ourselves from them.

Ignoring danger is not bitachon.

It is negligence.

As painful and uncomfortable as this topic is, we cannot afford to avoid it.

Because abuse exists.

And far more frequently than most people want to admit.

Education Is Not Optional

Getting educated about abuse prevention is not a luxury.

It is a basic parental responsibility.

Awareness, communication, and vigilance can protect children, strengthen families, and prevent

immeasurable suffering.

We do our hishtadlus — and then we daven:

“Ribbono Shel Olam, Shomer Yisrael, protect Your children.”

May more homes be filled with safety, trust, healing, and true shalom bayis.