Mitzvas onah (also written mitzvat onah or the mitzvah of onah) is the mitzvah of marital intimacy between husband and wife. It is one of the obligations the Torah places on a husband toward his wife, and Chazal teach that it is to be fulfilled with love, sensitivity and kedusha.
The word עוֹנָהis related to the word for answering or responding. Onah is the husband's response to his wife: being attentive to her, and responding to her needs and her wishes.
In the Torah's view, the closeness between husband and wife is not something to be embarrassed about. When it is done with kedusha, it is kadosh and tahor. It builds the bond of the marriage and brings the Shechina into the home. When this area is strong, it strengthens shalom bayis; when it is a struggle, couples often feel it in every part of their marriage.
What the Torah says about onah
The pasuk says about a husband's obligations to his wife: שְׁאֵרָהּ כְּסוּתָהּ וְעֹנָתָהּ לֹא יִגְרָע (Shemos 21:10), that he may not withhold her food, her clothing, or her onah. The Mishnah and Gemara in Maseches Kesubos explain how often onah is due, depending on a husband's work and how much he is home, and that for talmidei chachamim the set time is leil Shabbos.
More than an obligation: closeness and kedusha
Chazal and the poskim stress that onah is about the wife's needs and the couple's connection, not only about fulfilling a requirement. It must be with her willingness and with warmth and closeness beforehand, never forced. The sefer Iggeres HaKodesh teaches that when intimacy is done with kedusha, it is kadosh and tahor.
Why couples struggle, and why it is rarely discussed
Many couples were taught the halachos before their chasuna but had nowhere to turn afterward. Busy years, children, health, stress, or simply not knowing what to ask can leave a husband and wife feeling distant. Because the topic is private, many people never ask at all. Ohel Miriam was founded in 2014 to fill that gap with discreet, Torah-aligned education on marital harmony and intimacy, for women and for men.
Sources on mitzvas onah
Shemos 21:10
The Torah lists onah, together with food and clothing, among the things a husband may not withhold from his wife.
Mishnah Kesubos 61b
The Mishnah sets how often onah is due according to the husband's work and how much he is home.
Kesubos 62b
The Gemara records that for talmidei chachamim the set time is leil Shabbos.
Eruvin 100b
Chazal teach that intimacy must be with the wife's willingness and closeness, never forced.
Rambam, Hilchos Ishus 14
The Rambam brings the halachos of onah as part of a husband's obligations in marriage.
Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 240 and Even HaEzer 76
The Shulchan Aruch brings the halachos of onah and the kedusha with which it is to be done.
Iggeres HaKodesh (attributed to the Ramban)
A classic sefer explaining that marital intimacy, when done with kedusha, is kadosh and tahor.
Learn more about mitzvas onah with Ohel Miriam
- Women's Paid Infoline — a library of recorded shiurim, including a full category on Hashkafas Mitzvas Onah, heard privately over the phone.
- Men's Paid Infoline — Torah guidance for husbands on onah, closeness and shalom bayis.
- Free demo recordings — short classes to start with, at no cost.
- Courses on marital intimacy, such as Creating a Passionate Jewish Marriage with Gila Levitt.
- No internet? Use the phone infoline — call (845) 414-8016.
Questions about mitzvas onah
This page is general Torah education, not a psak halacha. For any halachic question, please consult your Rav. Ohel Miriam does not endorse any of its speakers; each speaker has their own haskamos or is affiliated with their own Rav.